just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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