dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
