just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
