Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
