dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
