I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
