I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
