I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
