There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
