no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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