I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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