I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
