I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i love accidental penises.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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