if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
