Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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