If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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