so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
