Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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