You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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