Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
