i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
