it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
