i just had sex bonerless
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
