Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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