My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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