i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
