Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
