yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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