Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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