The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
