The maid of honor just puked.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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