Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
