Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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