I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
"it" just moved
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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