i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
