I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
