Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
