I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
