Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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