I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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