can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
