someone threw a dead crab at me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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