One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
