I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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