You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
