Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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