like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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