so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
