Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't put those talents on a resume
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize
