Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
