even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
