We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
